2 Cents

I know what you're thinking... Courtship!? This is 2010... not 1910!

In one sense you've got a good point. Courtship has been largely ignored, forgotten, and put aside for more modern ways of dating. But I'm a firm believer that if you're honest with yourself about the health of your future marriage, courtship is more biblical and more effective in producing lasting marriage than is modern-day dating. But before we get into the advantages it has over today's dating style let's define what it actually involves.

First, courtship involves not only the man courting the woman but also courting her entire family - especially her Father. It must be stressed that this is not always possible. Sometimes the parents aren't Christians or don't care who their daughter dates. Sometimes the parents are in a different state or country so it makes this a little harder. But whenever possible a man should build relationships with the parents and siblings of the woman he is dating. Biblically it is the family's job to protect a young girl from dating the wrong type of guys (i.e. those only interested in sexual activity, those who aren't Christians, those who are immature, violent men, etc.). In situations where a woman's parents or family are not Christians and she is, I would advise you men to court her friends because now this is their job (see Song of Songs).

Furthermore it is primarily the responsibility of the girl's Father to do so. Biblically the Father is the head and leader of the home and outside influences (whether theological or relational) should go through the Father in some way. Seeking the approval of the Father is a sign of respect toward not only him, but also his daughter, and the entire family. I would challenge all you men to ask a Father's permission before even dating his daughter. Some will think you're a little weird but I guarantee they will be pleased that you respect them enough to do so.

Second, courtship means a public relationship. In traditional courtship the couple is never unsupervised in some way shape or form by the family of either the woman or man. This sounds overly protective, but as a Christian you can never be overly concerned with keeping your dating relationship pure and free from sexual temptation. In modern-day situations where supervision is not always the case the relationship should remain public. This does not mean having the parents looking over your shoulders at all times. But it does mean no time alone in a room whatsoever. The goal is to honor God's design for dating and marriage by keeping yourselves away from each other sexually until marriage. I've known many couples who have not kissed each other until the kiss at the alter of their marriage ceremony. I think that's a beautiful picture of obedience to God.

In deciding whether courtship is right for you or not let me offer this statistic. The divorce rate in America now exceeds 50%. The divorce rate in India is an astounding.... 1%. That's right... 1. Why? I think it mostly stems from their cultural view of dating and marriage. Most marriages in India are arranged marriages. Individualized Americans hate those two words but the truth is they often work... and work well with loving couples staying married and faithful for life. Think about it for a second. Instead of an emotionally-charged, inexperienced 20-30 year old choosing their spouse for life you have 50-60 year olds who understand both life and marriage better choosing for you. Instead of dating practices that involve pre-marital sex, co-habitation, and very little family involvement, you have traditional courtship. And instead of accepting the possibility of divorce even before getting married, you have a culture that sees marriage as a lifetime commitment, no questions asked. It's not hard to see why America's divorce rate is so much higher than India's.

Am I saying you need to have your parents arrange your marriage? Not at all. What I am saying is that it would be beneficial for you - if you desire life-long, monogamous marriage - to consider the advantages of courtship. The saying is very true that when you get married you don't just marry your wife, you marry your in-laws as well. Marriage is best done when you love your in-laws and they love you. Courtship promotes this. Furthermore courtship provides a safe and accountable way to keep your relationship sexually pure and to save sex for the proper God-appointed time. As opposed as you may be, isn't following God in EVERYTHING worth it??